Pirates of the Caribbean 2

I caught this on cable. The subtitle should be At World's Very, Very Long End.

I think we should force Diznee to use that title in all packaging of this movie now. They ended their big franchise with so many drawn-out fights and tough posturing, that I was just bored during the last two. How can you make an action film geared mostly for children and teenagers that last three hours and puts you to sleep? I could sit through Barry Lyndon easier than this.

Look, I was pleasantly surprised like the rest of you with the first one, despite my hatred of uber-producer Jerry Bruckheimer and my total apathy towards the whole pirate fad. They got me. Then they wasted their good graces by going way over the top with the next two and making it a world-wide battle and having too many fight scenes and effects and melodrama and JUST END THE F-----G MOVIE ALREADY! You see why I hate him? And why I can never trust the mouse again?

Of course, there will be a third.

Futurama: Bender's Big Score (direct to DVD)

To break from all this serious-ness, I turned to a very unheralded comeback. Futurama was granted a new life through a straight-to-DVD release, which isn't perfect, but enough to satisfy all us nerds who grew to love it too late. This 90 minute journey is like three episodes stitched together, but it helped me feel better. They did go the Family Guy route of bringing back things from the series as nostalgia (Fry's dog, Al Gore, owls, the Harlem Globetrotter science team) but they also made some nice jokes. It's something. Not enough Branigan, though. Also, watch on the DVD for the extras, as you can see how just how huge nerds they are, and us for loving them.